Received Thursday, September 25, 2008
Hi MPP. I just wanted to drop a thank you note and update. I posted two weeks ago when I was upset that my nanny had asked for a raise in pay in a less than tactful way because my child was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. The comments and advise I received were supportive and helpful (with the notable exception of one unkind poster), and help me calm myself down and have what turned into a series of very productive discussions with my nanny. First, I told her I considered her request, but since she does not have any additional skills to help him right now, and he is not difficult to care for right now (which she agreed is the case too), and is actually doing less hours for the same money, I would not consider her for a raise until her normal yearly review date. She seemed to understand and did not argue. To clear the air, I told her I was hurt by the way she broached the subject and her comparisons. She apologized profusely and explained she did not mean it as an insult. She went on to say she realizes she makes good money, but that there was a specific reason she decided she needed more. She said working with my son, seeing how we both dismissed "quirks" that turned out to be so much more, and observing the evaluators and therapists that see him have inspired her to go back to school to become a special education teacher. (She already has a degree in an unrelated field). I felt good that she really was the person I thought she was. However, the discussion got me thinking about how my graduate school was funded--my firm fully paid for me to get my Masters in a part time evening program in return for me signing a contract to commit to achieving B+ or better grades and working for them for two years following completion of my degree or reimburse them for my tuition. I took a good look at the school she mentioned she had been looking into (and my finances) and decided to make my nanny the same offer since her education would benefit my son. Plus, having her commit to staying with us while working towards and after getting her degree is a big plus--she gets to work towards entering the field she wants and we get a nanny with increasing levels of training in caring for special needs children and don't have to worry about transitioning to a new nanny and can focus on my son's treatment. I made her the offer tonight and she seemed very happy, but I told her to not jump at it right away and take a week to think carefully about whether she really wants to make the grades and time commitment (there were times I was not happy about the restrictions when getting my Masters), but it looks like things will work out.
Received September 13, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Am I being insensitive or is my nanny? I am a full time working Mom and was a fairly regular ISYN poster until a few months ago. During that time I have been busy visiting doctors and taking my youngest for tests. He is two now and still is not talking, does not seem to always hear us when we call, and some behaviors that started as funny quirks have turned downright odd (like spinning all over the room like a top, and almost obsessively lining up toys, silverware, etc).
After a month of tests and doctors, he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He has started behavioral therapy at a school nearby five days a week for three hours a day and has speech therapy in my home three days a week for 45 minutes.
Today my nanny told me that since she is taking care of a "special needs" child she should get a significant raise and babbled on about someone she knows who takes care a retarded (her term, not mine) boy and makes much more than her. I was taken aback (and honestly insulted), bit my lip and told her we would discuss it next week, but the more I think of it the angrier I get.
I pay well--about 10% above my neighbors and my son is not any extra burden--he is the same sweet, funny child he was last month and all she needs to do that's "extra" is transport him to a pre-school like program a year earlier than we planned. And, rather than having to engage and play with a toddler for 9 hours a day, she has 3 to 4 hours a day where she is not responsible for him and can relax and do what she wants. Part of me wants to tell her no way and if you don't like the job leave, but she does a good job and does seem to genuinely care for my children.
I know that I am overly emotional right now--but am I wrong to be offended by her request and am I wrong to say no?